I always debate on how personal I want to get with a blog post lol. Then I think to myself… The whole point of posting is to share my business! Those who have been with me for a while remember my “Life of a Ghoster” post? Well, I have definitely grown from there, but I honestly think that was a before my time, start of the stand on business posts.
In the past, I’ve been able to say something and stick to it so easily. I never needed someone to show me who they were twice… Notice how I said in the past though?! I had a little hiccup (hiccups if we’re really being honest) girl I won’t lie to you. I was seeing myself start to live in a cycle where my words didn’t match my actions and that is the NUMBER ONE rule to standing on business. Once you stumble, it seems so easy to not be able to catch your footing. One decision that goes against you, quickly turns into too many to count. The other person starts to know a version of you that doesn’t match who you see yourself as. This post is honestly a streamline of thoughts that hopefully conveys that it’s never too late to stand up and what I’ve personally learned that helps me keep standing.
You don’t have to get to the “worst” hurt, but you do have to get to the “I’ve seen enough” hurt. If you are anything like me, you question everything from every angle at least five times. Sometimes you may overthink yourself into believing that you are just knit-picking your way into a reason to leave someone alone ( This may be true, look at your attachment style because I’m coming for myself with that statement lol). Buttttt, you also know you like no one else can describe. If you are aligned with your morals and values it doesn’t take the worst or even a bad person to feel like you need to separate yourself. It takes discernment and noticed patterns to know this person just may not be for me. It’s that clear, that early. I feel like growth lives in the not needing the worst to happen for us to feel like we have a good enough explanation. This also leaves very little room for things like gaslighting to come into play.
The good moments were real and so are your feelings. It’s easy to question in the end did I even like them, did they like me, should I have left sooner or stayed and I figured out recently that honestly it doesn’t matter. Enjoying someone and it not working out happens. Life is long and we meet a lot of people, appreciating who they were to us for however long they were around is okay! Thinking back and remembering a happy moment together is okay! Not hating them, but choosing to walk away is okay! What you felt about them, all the memories were real. It’s okay to have good moments in the past with someone who wasn’t meant for you. It most likely wasn’t all bad and trying to stand on business by leaning into whatever “ick” you’ve created about them probably won’t last. It takes wanting to create good memories elsewhere. Not always another person in mind, just knowing it’s no more memories to make with them lol.
This may be a controversial one, but sometimes cutting someone off cold turkey is too aggressive. My point one is true, you have to be ready to walk away in order to mean it, but let’s not forget about my point two of the fact that you liked them at some point, maybe even still. HEAR ME OUT. It’s okay to fade out… And I don’t say this as an excuse to break no contact or agree to link up one last time. I say this as they may pop into your mind. You may look back on a message thread or check their Instagram. It took time for you to start liking and caring for this person, it’s going to take a moment to uncare.
My favorite line to add into every blog is to give grace to yourself! There is no cheat code to confidently choosing you. It takes growth and practice. I will give one tip that has worked for me though lol
It’s easy to stand on business when you realize that they already stood on it first.
The moment you notice you aren’t receiving what you need from a partner, friend, family member, and you’ve already done your part of sharing your POV. After that, that person is standing on not being willing to compromise with you and you have to decide at what point is their stance noted.
